Is It Worth It?

I’ll be honest. I’ve been pretty stressed the last few weeks. The semester just seemed to pick up steam and stay there. My days have become cycles of never-ending to-do lists, PowerPoints, grading, and emails. I basically just want to curl up on the couch for a nap — all the time.  Is this really worth it? 

I’m pouring myself into my classes, spending hours searching for the best videos to use in class, brainstorming ideas to make class more interesting, going to meals with my students, texting them, liking their posts on social media, and staying up late to respond to my students’ Let’s Talk forms. But my students weren’t responding the way I was hoping. They were still shy or awkward having conversations with me. They were starting to open up on our Let’s Talk papers, but it wasn’t much. And they were still quieter in class than I would like. 

I’m 8 weeks into the semester—I should be seeing better results, right? Is all this extra work even worth it? It doesn’t seem to be changing anything.

I’ve been reading a book called Atomic Habits on my daily commute. Yesterday’s portion talked about the power of consistency. Bamboo grows underground, completely unseen for what seems like forever until it explodes above ground almost overnight, growing four feet an day. Stonecutters know that you can hit a stone 99 times without any visible change, but at that 100th time, the rock will splinter. It’s not the 100th strike that cracked the rock. It’s every strike from 1-100 that slowly made a difference. Sometimes you can’t see any different at all until, all at once, there it is. 

Yesterday I saw it. 

A student told me I was a great teacher, and she could tell how experienced I was. Another student stayed after class to ask for advice about a fight she had with her friend. A student came early to my class, and we ended up talking for 30 minutes, where she told me I was her favorite teacher out of all the college teachers she’s had so far. She said her other courses make her feel like giving up, and she’d started to hate English. But my class was showing her she was capable of learning, and she was starting to enjoy English again. Two students stopped by my class to chat after my class finished. I wish I could show you the look on Vicky’s face when she realized I knew her by name. She told me she was jealous of the students who had me for business English, and wished she could change classes to have an extra class with me. 

None of this is to toot my own horn. But if you’re tired or discouraged or wondering if you’re actually making a difference, you are doing something. Each encounter, each conversation, each class is making an impression, for good or bad. You might not be able to see the results immediately, but keep going. You are making a difference. It is worth it. And if you’re worried about your Starbucks addiction, that’s probably worth it too. At least, it is to me. :)